Night World: Book of Excuses
by The Bird is the Word
Summary: Well...it's random really...but I just started writing random things and I got this idea and it turned out like this. Well...red and review please! :


**Just an extremely random thing…it just popped into my mind...review please!!!**

Night World: The Book of Excuses

So…you're looking for an excuse?

Late for a mission? Forgot to get Lady Hannah a present for her birthday? Double dipped in the blood salsa?

Look no further for an excuse! And after reading this nifty book for excuses, you'll never have a lame excuse again (ex. Ash ate my homework.)

Excuses for why you're late for a mission for Circle Daybreak:

I forgot vampires couldn't fly. (Only works if you're a vampire yourself. Otherwise, you'll sound stupid.)

My soulmate needed some extra blankets because he/she was cold. (Only works if you really _do_ have a soulmate or else they'll think you have an imaginary friend.)

I forgot witches didn't fly on brooms. (Other way of doing #1 but it only works if you're a witch or else they'll mistake what you said for b*tch.)

I forgot you didn't have a doggie door. (Only works if you're a werewolf, if you're not avoid this one because you'll look like I did when I walked into a Down-With-Twilight rally in an 'Edward Cullen is so HOT' t-shirt. They changed my mind about that, though.)

My mother had me do another load of laundry. (Does NOT work if you're Rashel or Keller. Sorry, life's tough that way kiddies.)

I was sucked into a black abyss. (Only works if you're delusional. Otherwise, they'll mistake you for being delusional. Or maybe they'll think you're Edward Cullen.)

I forgot how to turn the doorknob. (Only works if you're human, because no other species would be that dumb--oh sorry werewolves other than you of course.)

I was in childbirth. (Does NOT work if you're a made vampire. Might work if you're fat, though.)

I was hanging in the hood with P. Diddy. (Only works if your boss is dumb enough to think you actually know him—and of course your boss is Thierry so never try this one. It was pointless even writing it. Blah. Fail.)

I had to kill Edward Cullen. (Will work under any circumstance.)

I saw a clown in the street and I had to give it money. (Only works if you have a legit answer _why_ the clown needed money. But we're a book of excuses not answers.)

I had to feed. (Old one in the book, but will only work if you're a vampire, werewolf, or shapeshifter. Otherwise they'd have said you could have just picked up fast-food like McDonald's. Ew.)

I was busy with Superman saving people's lives. (Might work if your boss doesn't know Spiderman, otherwise he'd have all the details of what Superman was doing, because Spiderman stalks Superman, everyone knows that.)

Ash Redfern tried to kiss me so I had to slap him till he died then bury him. (May work id Mary-Lynette or Ash aren't on your mission with you.)

Excuses for why you didn't give Lady Hannah a birthday present:

Delos Redfern stole all my money. (Will not work if everyone in the mansion blames it on Delos, or else Thierry and Hannah might get suspicious or kick Delos out of the mansion even though he's a beloved Wild Power.)

I couldn't find my shoes to go out and buy you a gift in. (Only works if you own a pair of shoes. If you don't GO BUY SOME!)

I had to spend all my money on tampons. (Only works if you're a girl and NOT a vampire. Warning, they may get grossed out.

I did buy you a present, but Ash stole it! (When in doubt, blame it on…Ash? That how the old saying goes, right?)

I didn't, because my doctor said I might not make it through the winter, and so I had to spend all my money on coats and blankets! (Is good with a little waterworks, and doesn't work if you're a big ripped guy, or else they'll try and find this doctor of yours and slap him/her.)

Excuses for double dipping in the blood salsa:

I'm a new vampire, so I don't know the rights and wrongs! (Only works if you actually ARE a new vampire. Note to lamias: NEVER USE THIS FREAKING EXCUSE! GOT IT? GOOD!)

I didn't notice that side of the chip was bitten already! (Only works if you're stupid. Wait—go right ahead and use it! You ARE stupid, because you're actually reading this.)

I'm a weirdo freak who loves Twilight. (That's a good excuse for everything, actually. But—beware! They just might kill you and roast you above an open flame, chanting: Hate the book! Hate the book! You stupid idiot, now we'll cook you!)

I'm not really a vampire so I don't know the rules! (Only works if you're stupid, too, because only stupid non-vampires would actually eat blood. Duh!)

Who are you? (Only works if you're me. SO WHAT NOW?!)

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**A/N: Hey you guys!!! I'm back! With a new story too! Hey, feel free to PM me, and of course review this! I need some feedback. I'll write more if you desire! Mwahh!! (That's a kissing sound FYI.)**


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